


Abyssinia

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Demons, Ghosts, M/M, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies, sassy narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an old theater in New York, all covered in vines... there lives a young boy named Feliciano. Outside of his home is a world kept from him and his brother for no apparent reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NYC

**-Choose a game mode-**

**Easy == >**

**Medium == >**

**Hard == >**

**Expert == >**

**To the death == >**

**To the pain == >**

You have selected **To the pain**.

May the force be with you.

 

The year is 1933. Vampires are now the dominant species. Witches work with them as secretaries and assistants. Zombies and werewolves roam the streets, preying off whatever they can find.

Of course, you are aware of none of this.

_I'm not? But... you just said..._

Quiet, child. I was merely informing the audience of the universe in which this story takes place. It would do you well to ignore me, unless I am speaking directly to you.

_Oh, alright!_

What an airhead.

Choose a name, then.

**Mario == >**

**Feliciano == >**

**Bort == >**

Your name is Feliciano Vargas, and you have never met your parents. You know you have a grandfather somewhere in Italy, but you haven't seen him in years. He sent you to America when the vampires in Florence became too much to deal with. You and your brother miss him very much.

_I have a brother?_

You do now.

You and Lovino have been living in an abandoned theater with some other abandoned boys. The leader of the group is Mathias Kohler, from Denmark, though it sometimes seems that Lukas Bondevik, from Norway, is the true head of the operation.

You and Lovino are both thirteen, and look quite a bit alike. However, his hair is darker and the stray curls of hair you each have point in opposite directions. You are a cheerful, optimistic boy with a heart of gold. Your brother, on the other hand, is grumpy and mean and likes to keep to himself. The one trait the two of you share is cowardice.

Neither of you are aware of the reason why you can never leave the theater. As far as the two of you know, you're merely street urchins trying to avoid the law. The only ones who ever leave are Mathias and a Swedish boy named Berwald. They bring back food and other necessities.

Though he doesn't like to admit it, you can tell that Lukas worries about Mathias whenever he goes out. Before the Dane leaves, the Norwegian teen is always especially harsh to him, and when he gets back Lukas is always just a bit nicer. You don't understand it, but you think it's sweet.

Berwald scares the fuck out of you, but you also think he's kind of lonely. You're sure that, under his intimidating exterior, he's really a sweet guy. Lovino doesn't trust him, but Lovino doesn't trust anybody.

You're pretty happy in the theater. You've got friends, paper and pencils, a stage... the only thing you don't like is eating three-day-old sandwiches and hot dogs. Still, you're grateful for whatever Mathias and Berwald can bring you. One day, Mathias had brought in a kitten! You loved that little kitty, though one day it just disappeared and you were heartbroken for about a week.

Unlike you, Lovino wants nothing more than to get out of there. You, however, want to wait until your parents come looking for you. As your grandfather taught you, “if you get lost, stay put and I'll find you.”

Mathias and Lukas both say that you can go out and explore when you turn eighteen. You're perfectly content to wait, but Lovino has other plans.

Today, he comes over to you and says that he's planning to sneak out, and he wants you to come with him.

What do you do?

**Come with him == >**

**Stay here == >**

Whoops, it looks like you don't have a choice. He's dragging you along no matter what. You suspect it's because he's scared to be alone, though he firmly denies it. When you're both sure that everybody else is busy or asleep, you gather supplies.

What do you bring?

Choose two:

**A. Flashlight**

**B. Gun**

**C. Sandwich**

**D. Mochi**

**E. Broken Plate**

You have selected **Flashlight** and **Mochi.** Lovino facepalms at your selections and grabs the **Gun** and the **Sandwich.**

It's obvious who's the brains in this duo.

_It's-a me, right?_

Can it, Mario.

Don't ask me why you underage boys have a gun lying around.

I'd blame parents except you haven't got 'em.

Ha.

Anyway, you two sneak out with little to no difficulty. Emil is still asleep and god knows what Lukas and Mathias are doing.

The first thing you two notice is the lack of excitement. New York might as well be a ghost town.

And then you see the ghosts.

What do you do?

**Run == >**

**Say hi == >**

**Call Ghostbusters == >**

It was a trick question. You boys don't know what ghosts are. Lukas and Mathias sure did a great job of preparing you for the outside world! As far as you know, these ghosts are just really pale people.

“Ever heard of a little thing called sunlight?” Lovino mutters grumpily, though you can see the intrigue in his eyes.

“We don't get much sun, either!” you remind him. The only reason you're distinguishable from the ghosts is because of your natural exotic Italian-ness.

A ghost drifts up to you. Back in its prime, it must have been a very pretty Asian woman, but now it's deader than dead and kinda gross.

What do you say to her?

“ **Ciao, bella!” == >**

“ **It's a lovely day out, isn't it?” == >**

“ **How the heck are you floating five inches above the ground?” == >**

“Ciao, bella!” you say cheerfully. Although Lovino looks like he doesn't trust her, he gives a feeble smile nonetheless. She stares are you, then glides away.

“Rude bitch.” Lovino grumbles, pulling you along.

You two are in awe at the place that, in another universe, might have been a bustling metropolis. Over there is a hot dog stand, and that might have been a library. Was that a park? Who knows. You and Lovino have to shield your eyes from the light, as the two of you really don't get out much.

And then it hits you.

You're outside.

Free, essentially.

You exchange a glance with Lovino, and he grins and lets out a whoop. You laugh happily. Why were Lukas, Mathias and Berwald keeping such a wonderful place from you? It's so open and bright and-

What the fuck is that?

As you and your brother have been sheltered all your lives, you have no idea what a zombie is, or why it's scary.

The corpse staggers along the sidewalk, dragging a barely-attached leg behind it. One of its eyes is missing, and its jaw is unhinged and dangling. When the smell of rotting flesh hits you, you and your brother take a wary step back.

“Wh-who the hell are you?” Lovino demands.

The zombie doesn't respond verbally. It prefers instead to fumble closer, sniffing at the scent of warm flesh. It makes a low grunting noise, and you and Lovino feel quite unsettled.

“Er, fratello, let's go back...” you say quietly.

“Fuck no.” he tells you. “If we're gonna get in trouble for this, we're gonna make it worthwhile.”

You pale. You had no idea that this was something that could get you in trouble! Lukas is scary when mad! Berwald and Mathias are, too, but nowhere near as much as Lukas!

The zombie wanders closer, and by now you can tell that it's quite hungry.

“Uh, we don't have any food, mister!” you tell it. You want to keep the sandwich and mochi for yourself. It keeps coming.

Suddenly, there are more of them.

“Feli, just keep backing up...” Lovino whispers. “It doesn't look like they're that fast. We can outrun them. Keep moving, Feli.”

And then the first one lunges.

It's unfortunate that Lovi's never used a gun before, because now it's useless baggage. He tosses it aside as the corpse grabs his arm.

“Lovino!” you yell.

“Run!” he tells you.

What do you do?

**Fight the zombie == >**

**Watch helplessly == >**

**Run like heck == >**

You run like heck.

Coward.

_I know!_

You left your brother.

_I know!_

He could be dying.

_Shut up!_

You're crying now. You don't know where you're going or what to do next. All you know is that you need to be far away from those decaying creatures.

Ooh, a fork in the road. Left or right, Feli?

**Left == >**

**Right == >**

You go right. Heh, dumb choice.

_Stop criticizing me!_

I'm the narrator. I do what I want.

You wind up in an old park. Of course, you can't recognize it as a park, because you don't often go outside, but it's a park whether or not you think it is.

Here you fall in a crumpled heap and continue sobbing. As I said, MAN UP.

What you don't notice is the wolf, prowling in the shadows.

He is a large white wolf, with bright red eyes and an Wicked grin.

You don't see him because you've been distracted by the adorable little bird sitting on the ground in front of you. Seriously, this thing is too cute for words. You need to hug it.

Go on, hug it.

**Hug it == >**

The bird narrowly avoids your eager grasp. With a flutter, it lands on the wolf's head.

You notice the wolf.

I'm not even giving you options this time, because I know you're just gonna sit there and panic.

But... it _could_ be a friendly dog, couldn't it?

“Hey, doggy...” you say, trying to keep your voice from trembling. Dogs can sense fear, right? “You're a Good dog, right?”

The wolf laughs.

_Laughs._

“You're a dumb little kid!” it says. “Silly little sissy boy! I'm not even gonna _bother_ turning you! I think I'll just eat you and spare myself the trouble!”

Do dogs normally talk? You wouldn't know, as you've never seen a dog in real life before.

“P-p-please don't eat me!” you exclaim. “I'm just a scrawny little kid! I don't have much meat on my bones!”

“I'll take whatever food I can get.” the wolf growls. You're practically wetting yourself by this point.

“No, don't! I've gotta find my brother!” you say. “I'm just a lowly little street urchin and I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm much too salty and I DON'T WANT TO DIE!”

The wolf's grin grows wider, and it's getting much too close for comfort.

“I'll kill you nice and fast, alright?” it says in a teasing tone. “It'll only hurt for a second! Well, it'll _feel_ like an eternity of pain, but in reality it'll only be a second.”

The wolf is pretty much on top of you now.

**Accept your fate == >**

**Fight back == >**

**Sink to a new level of pathetic == >**

**Sing == >**

Options two and three are pretty much impossible, as you've gone as low as you can go, so you accept your fate. You're still sobbing and shaking, though.

“Italian food, my _favorite!_ ” the wolf snarls.

And then, all of a sudden, it's no longer on top of you.

When you sit up, you find that another wolf has pounced the first one, knocking it aside. The new arrival is dark gray, with piercing blue eyes that will haunt your soul for years to come.

“Bruder!” the albino wolf exclaims. “What are you doing?”

The darker one does not answer him. Instead, it turns to you.

“Are you alright?” it asks in a deep voice.

You manage to nod.

“Good. Get back to where you came from, human. This world isn't suited for you.”

You don't need telling twice.

As you scamper away, you hear the white wolf whining about the other ruining his dinner.

You are totally lost. Luckily, the boys had noticed your absence. It's Berwald who finds you, and you feel a lot safer now that he's around.

“C'me on, 'm takin' y' home.” he says, in a voice that tells you that you are in a whole mess of trouble.

“But my brother's still out here!” you cry. “We've gotta find him! He could be in danger!”

Berwald remains silent as he pulls you back to the theater.

You yell and cry and moan, but he still won't take you back to find Lovino. Finally, he says something mildly assuring.

“Mathias 's looking f'r him.”

You guess that's OK. Mathias is pretty strong, you suppose. Lovino and Berwald don't like him, but he has a Good heart.

When you arrive at the theater, Lukas gives you the biggest surprise of the day as he pulls you into a hug.

“I was worried.” he says in that plain tone he always has.

“Mathias will be jealous if you give me a hug and not him.” you tell the Norwegian.

“Mathias can go and jump in a lake.” Lukas tells you. “I'm glad you're alright.”

“Why didn't you tell us about those monsters?” you ask. “It's seems pretty important to know!”

Lukas sighs.

“I suppose we wanted to keep you innocent for as long as we could... guess I screwed up there. Don't tell Mathias I said that, though. As far as he knows, I can do no wrong.”

You wait for three hours before Mathias comes back without Lovino and you start to worry even more about your brother.

Three hours turns into three days.

Then three weeks.

And then three months.

Eventually, you just have to accept that Lovino is dead. You still cling to the hope that he could be alive, somewhere, but it's highly unlikely.

Lukas tells you all about the world outside. About the vampires and werewolves and witches and zombies and ghosts, and the scattered and few colonies of humans littered across the world. You tell him about the werewolf who saved you. Lukas suggests that you were hallucinating at the time. Still, you are quite grateful for your savior.


	2. Making Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after that horrid event...

**Five years later ==== >**

Emil is gone. Taken by a strange sickness that came from spending too much time trapped indoors. Lukas blames himself. The rest of you assure him that he was merely trying to keep the Icelandic boy safe, but he'll hear none of that.

Lukas seems to have adopted you as his new little brother, and you suppose you're alright with that. You admire his calmness and intelligence, but he lacks the fiery spirit of Lovino.

Mathias seems to be the only thing that makes Lukas happy anymore. Not _visibly_ happy, but you can always tell when he's trying to hide a smile. You rather like Mathias; he's energetic and brave and cheerful and he never lets anything get him down.

Berwald is even quieter than before. You suspect that he's envious of Mathias's and Lukas's relationship. You now feel that it is your duty to find Berwald someone to be with.

The other boys have already set off into the world, looking for the other colonies, and possibly women. You and the Scandinavian guys are all that remain.

You have been training to survive, now. You're getting a bit better at shooting, and no one can beat you at retreating. You're great at treating wounds and terrible at rationing food properly. You're learning about what weaknesses vampires have, and how to procure silver bullets.

You still wonder about that gray werewolf, from time to time.

Why did he save you? He must have been at least as hungry as the white one! What makes you so special? He didn't even know you! (Yes, you're positive that your hero was male.)

More than anything, however, you miss your brother. Even though he was kind of an asshole, he was everything you ever had.

Now, on your eighteenth birthday, Mathias has managed to snatch a freshly-baked cake. You don't ask how; you're just grateful for the present.

**Say thank you like a Good boy == >**

“Grazie, Mathias!” you say with a smile. He beams.

“Anything for our little Italian!” he laughs.

“I thought it was 'anything for Lukas!'” you laugh.

“He's taught you well, Feli!” the Dane chuckles.

The cake is delicious, and not a lie. Over dinner, Lukas brings up a subject that had been pressing on his mind recently.

“So, Feli, where are you thinking of going?”

You stare at him in confusion.

“Going?”

“You're eighteen now.” Lukas says. “It's kind of tradition to go seek other colonies at eighteen.”

“But you're twenty, and Mathias and Berwald are both twenty-one!” you say.

“We've stuck together so long, I don't think any of us are going anywhere.” Lukas tells you.

“I'm not going anywhere, either!” you insist. “The world is too scary to be on one's own! You guys are all I have left!”

Lukas studies you.

“It's fine if you want to stay here, but we need as many people as possible searching for the cure... you know, the cure for zombie-ness.”

“I think I'd be of more use as a medic, _helping_ the people who are looking for the cure.” you say thoughtfully. “I'm not strong or brave or clever, but I can bind a wound! I think we should leave the adventuring for the adventurers.”

“Yeah!” Mathias agrees. “Adventurers like me!”

Lukas nods.

“I suppose you're right. However, you'll notice that none of us have gotten injured in a long while, and frankly, you need to start earning your keep. You're an adult now, you know.” he says. “We just want to make sure you know how to take care of yourself, should anything happen to separate us...”

“I understand.” you say. You know how important keeping fed and sheltered is in this world. “What do you suggest I do?”

“You're quite fast; I think you should join Mathias the next time he goes to look for food.” he tells you. “You're also Good at figuring out what things go best together, and you seem to be able to make something Good out of anything. Do you have any objections to this?”

Your eyes have gone wide. You haven't been outside since that fateful day when you lost your brother.

Speak now or forever hold thine peace.

**Agree to go on scavenging expedition == >**

**Fuck if you're going anywhere! Adamantly say no == >**

**Make some feeble excuse and back out of it == >**

“I guess I'll go...” you say. Mathias grins.

“Great! Don't worry, I won't let anything eat you!” he promises. “We'll be heading out the day after tomorrow, alright?”

So soon?

“Alright.” you say.

You spend the next day in a mess of worry. Berwald and Mathias try to prep you, and you do your best to listen to what they're saying, but you're too overcome by nerves to let it sink in.

Maybe you should find yourself a partner, like Mathias and Lukas. Berwald is out of the question; he scares the hell out of you! You need someone strong, but not scary. Someone smart and level-headed who won't let you get killed violently.

While you're at it, you think you should find Berwald a partner, too. He needs, in your opinion, someone sweet and cheerful, but not likely to run away when he looks at them. Someone Berwald can protect, but can hold their own in a fight.

Tomorrow comes before you know it. You and Mathias are going to wait for evening to fall, so you two can blend in with whatever horrors of the night you find if needed in the dark. You'd rather do this in the daytime, when you're safe from vampires, but everyone assures you that the monsters won't be expecting humans to come out at night.

You spend the whole day freaking out. You're positive that you won't be able to shoot a gun straight, thanks to your shaking hands. You long to be useful on this mission, but you place survival higher than pride on your priority list.

**Back out, you still have time == >**

**Be brave, for once in your life == >  
Faint ==>**

You must be brave, whether you like it or not. Unless you can help with food, you're pretty much useless to the party. Mathias and Berwald are both Good fighters, and Lukas is a great strategist and leader. All you can do is run and make food.

You can also sing and paint, but those aren't very useful in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.

The evening takes its sweet time in getting here, allowing you to stew in your own nerves for much longer than you'd like. Mathias hands you a gun and some other supplies. You wish you could have some garlic, but it's run out, and the purpose of this mission is primarily to find more. You regret making garlic bread last night...

“Be careful.” Lukas tells you. “You too,” he adds, turning to Mathias, “look after yourself and make sure Feliciano gets back in one piece.”

“Can do!” the Dane says, saluting. He attempts to give Lukas a quick peck on the cheek and then heads out to make sure the coast is clear. Lukas turns to you.

“Mathias is strong, but not that bright. Keep him from doing anything reckless, alright?” he asks. You nod.

“Be s'fe.” Berwald says.

You nod again, too anxious to speak.

“Remember, vampires won't be harmed by bullets. It's imperative that you hold off any confrontations until you find some garlic.” Lukas says. “Mathias knows this, but he'll probably think he could take on any number of vampires without the aid of vegetation. Don't let him fight until you get some garlic.

“Should you fail to retrieve any garlic, get back here immediately. You should find no difficulty in that. The most important thing is to stay alive.”

You nod again, and then run to join Mathias, who has whistled to signal that everything seems fine.

“Half moon tonight.” he whispers, starting at a brisk pace. You scramble to keep up with him. “Not as bright as we'd like, but flashlights will give us away. We're gonna start with the old farm up a ways; it still had some stuff growing, last time I checked.”

“Alright.” you reply in a soft voice.

“Just do as I say, and you should be safe.” he says, still whispering but smiling all the while.

“Can do.” you reply, trying to sound calmer than you feel.

You two walk in silence for a ways, and then Mathias, deeming the surrounding environment safe, starts up a conversation.

“Do... d'ya think Lukas likes me?” he asked quietly.

“'Course he does!” you whisper in reply. “You two are partners, right? If he didn't like you, he wouldn't team up with you!”

“I meant... do you think he could possibly like me... in a romantic way?”

Oh, _now_ you get it.

“You mean you two _aren't_ together?” you ask. “I mean, I kinda figured...”

Mathias chuckles.

“I wish. He always avoids talking about that kind of thing.”

Talking about something as trivial as this is helping you be less afraid.

“I think he's afraid that he could lose you... remember how he was after what happened to Emil? He's probably just scared to open up his heart and risk getting it broken.”

“Really?” Mathias asks. “Wow, when did you become a relationship expert?”

“I read some of those romance novels Lovi didn't like having around.” you say. You'd think you wouldn't want to talk about your brother, but it really doesn't bother you. “Plus, I'm Italian! We're naturals!”

“Hey, I'm Danish!” Mathias says indignantly. “I should be a natural, too!”

“Was Denmark ever referred to as 'the country of romance'?” you ask.

“I thought that was France...” Mathias replies.

“We're getting off subject.” you say, laughing. “The question is, do _you_ like Lukas?”

“I love him.” Mathias replies. “I have for a while, now. I think he knows it, too. I wish he'd just give me a chance...”

“Hang in there,” you say, patting his arm, “though this whole apocalypse thing makes it tough, love will find a way.”

You two continue chatting on the way to the farm, all caution forgotten.

Honestly, you two are such idiots!

The two of you are halfway past what used to be a pub when it happens.

Strong hands grab you, putting a gloved hand over your mouth.

What do you do?

**Panic == >**

**Kick your captor where it counts == >**

**Shoot your captor where it counts == >**

**Faint == >**

You panic, of course. Muffled grunts off to the side tell you that Mathias has been grabbed, too. You struggle as much as you can, but the hands are much too strong.

“It would be in your best interest to surrender, da?” a cold, cruel voice says, directly from behind you. “My sisters and I are quite thirsty, and struggling will only make us thirstier.”

“Brother, this one bit me!” a female voice says from off to the side. “May I return the favor?”

“Let our sister have him.” the male voice replies. “You got to have that noisy American all to yourself, remember?”

Your heart sinks. Alfred had been one of the boys living with you, and he mysteriously disappeared one day. You're fairly certain that he was the American they're talking about, even though there are a lot of Americans in America.

“I shall give him to her if you promise to marry me.” the female says stiffly.

“I... am not ready for that kind of commitment.” the male says, and is that a hint of fear in his voice? “You can marry Toris, if you'd like. I'm sure he wouldn't object.”

The vampires are dragging you inside the pub whilst carrying out their discussion. The amount of terrified you are is phenomenal.  
“I shall marry that pitiful excuse for a vampire when hell freezes over.” the girl says coldly.

They continue arguing, though neither of them are distracted enough to loosen their grip. And then suddenly, a new voice joins the foray.

“Ivan, didn't you promise me the next Joe you brought in?” the newcomer asks conversationally.

“Maybe.” the vampire holding you says. “But I feel that this one is more rightfully mine. I'm sure there are more where this one came from; go find one for yourself.”

Your heart skips a beat. What if this new vampire goes after Lukas and Berwald?

“Do not forget yourself, mosquito.” the newcomer says, an eerie chill entering his voice. “Do you remember the last time you went against me?”

Ivan shudders.

“Very well. You may have him.” he says, releasing you. For a brief moment, you can see everything clearly, but then the new vampire takes hold of you. He's smaller than the first, but just as strong.

“Don't you try to take _my_ meal!” the female hisses. “I owe you nothing, Tino. Take the puny one and leave.”

“Very well, Natalya, but I don't think he appreciates being called puny.” Tino replies, pulling you away. You feel tears running down your face, knowing that this is the end for both you and Mathias. Lukas and Berwald will worry when the two of you never come back!

After a minute or two, you can feel fresh air on your face, and the vampire releases you. You're too freaked out to find this unusual.

“Please make it quick.” you say, your voice trembling. “I don't want to die too painfully.”

The vampire laughs.

“I'm not going to drain you!” he exclaims. You're too shocked to do anything. “I'm not even hungry! We've all eaten recently, and I thought that it would be a waste for them to eat you, if it won't do them any Good.”

You're now certain that this is some cruel joke that Tino is playing before he eats you. However, he doesn't _look_ like he's about to drink your blood. He's about your height, with soft blond hair and brown, doe-like eyes.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” he says, “but they don't like it when I set their food free.”

“Wh-wh-what about Mathias?” you ask.

“The spiky-haired man?” Tino asks. You nod. “Was he a friend of yours? Again, I'm sorry. I only had the option to save _one_ of you, and Ivan was the one who owed me a human.”

You're crying again. In fact, you haven't ever stopped in the first place.

“He protected me and kept me fed all my life and Lukas is going to hate me for coming back without him and oh god, they never even got to be together and it's all my fault for coming on this mission because if I wasn't here you could have rescued him and now Lukas doesn't have a partner and now I'm all alone with a vampire and I'm basically a walking steak now, aren't I?” you say all this really fast, it just sort of tumbles from you.

Tino walks over and gives you a hug. You tense up, but then realize that it doesn't matter if he's going to eat you or not because Mathias is already dead.

“I wish I wasn't what I am.” Tino sighs. “I wish we could all just... you know, not eat each other. All I ever wanted in life was to settle down and have a kid and a dog and someone to keep me warm. I also wished I could have saved your friend. He sounds like he was a great guy.”

“He was.” you say as the vampire releases you. The hug felt surprisingly Good. “He and my brother have both died for me now.”

“Don't blame yourself. Ivan and Natalya are at fault for taking more than they need.” Tino tells you. “They try not to let the human population fall _too_ hard, or else they would starve, but they think that it should all be for them.”

“Why do you live with them?”

“Someone needs to keep them from taking more than their fair share.” the blond says. “And though I don't look it, I'm quite a bit stronger than the both of them. I _would_ have overpowered Natalya, but I really can't have them thinking that I'm a human sympathizer. It's easier for me to help people if I'm incognito.”

“That's really Good of you.” you say.

“Thanks! We should probably get you home, though. The streets are dangerous for humans.” Tino says.

“I... I don't want this to be a trip for biscuits.” you admit. “If I'm going back without Mathias, the least I can do is bring food.”

Tino gives you a knowing smile.

“I know _just_ what to do.”

He leads you first to a farm, where he has you take whatever garlic you can find, and then he breaks into an abandoned house and brings you some cans of food that are still Good. You thank him profusely, and he waves it off.

“Anything I can do to even the odds.” he says.

The two of you walk back to the abandoned theater. Despite the loss of Mathias, Tino manages to make you laugh and joke with him. You two talk about all sorts of things, and become fast friends.

When you arrive at the door that once led backstage, Lukas swings it open before you can lay a hand on the doorknob.

“Thank Goodness you're-” he stops dead in his tracks, staring at Tino. Berwald, who was probably the one who heard you coming, joins Lukas at the door. He's holding a cross.

“Uh...” you don't know what to say.

“ **Hey Lukas, the one guy you'll probably ever love is dead!” == >**

“ **Hey Berwald, I found you a wife!” == >**

“ **Why do supernatural monsters keep saving my life from other supernatural monsters who eat those dear to me?” == >**

“ **This is Tino.” == >**

“This is Tino.” you say, standing in front of the vampire so neither of your friends can stake him. “He saved my life. Also, I have pinto beans.”

Somehow, all of you end up sitting in the makeshift living room. Lukas is glaring at the vampire and Berwald is just outright staring at the vampire. After a few tense moments, Lukas speaks up.

“Where is Mathias?”

You gulp.

“Dead.” you say softly.

Lukas stiffens.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“How could he be?”

“Vampires.” you say.

Lukas turns to Tino, probably about to accuse him.

“Tino saved my life.” you say before the Norwegian can do anything. “He wanted to save Mathias, too, but he was outnumbered.”

“I really am sorry for your loss.” Tino says solemnly.

Lukas stares at him for a moment, then puts his face in his hands. You can only assume that it's to hide whatever emotion that he's displaying.

“What happened?” he asks in a shaky voice.

You look to Tino.

“Well, I live with several other vampires, trying to keep them from over-hunting the humans. Ivan and Natalya, the most powerful aside from me, had recently eaten, but captured Feliciano and Mathias anyway. I wanted to save them both, but that would have given away my position.

“You should know that I absolutely _detest_ being a vampire. Some, like Ivan, revel in it, but I find it disgusting. I try to drink from animals as often as I can. You wouldn't believe how many cows there are running around! Their blood may be sub-par compared to humans, but I feel better about it. I'm basically a vampire vegetarian.

“Anyway, I convinced Ivan to give me Feliciano. I suppose he thinks I'm eating him right now. I brought Feli and the food he had found back here.”

You are grateful that he's giving you credit for finding the food.

“Is this true?” Lukas asks you.

Is it?

**Yes! == >**

**No! == >**

**Maybe! == >**

“Uh-huh!” you say. “I'd be dead if it weren't for him.”

“Well, bloodless.” Tino corrects with a nervous laugh. He's noticed how Berwald can't take his eyes off him. You've noticed too. Does Berwald hate vampires that much? Does he blame Tino for the death of Mathias?

No, Berwald isn't staring hatefully, even though that what it looks like he's doing. He's just staring.

Lukas gets up and excuses himself on the pretense of sorting through the food. You suspect that he needs some time alone to cry, get angry and then eat something. In that order.

Thanks to his absence, an awkward silence falls upon the rest of you.

“So...” Tino says. “I'd be happy to help out here... help find food and stuff, you know. Ivan would rip me apart piece by piece if he found out, but I'm Good at hiding things from him.”

“You don't have to risk your neck for us!” you say. “You saved my life; _I_ should be the one offering to help _you!_ ”

“You don't owe me.” Tino says. “I did what anyone with any human left in them would do. I wish I had rescued Mathias too, though.”

“It's fine.” Berwald says. You and Tino jump, as Berwald hasn't said a word throughout the whole meeting. “Y' did wh't y' could.”

Tino gives him a nervous smile.

“Th-thanks...”

The conversation becomes a lot more open after that. Lukas eventually returns to the room, expression blank.

“I think I've worn out my welcome.” Tino says, getting up. “And I should split before Ivan becomes suspicious.”

You get up to escort Tino out, and the vampire shakes hands with Lukas and Berwald.

“Thank you for saving Feliciano.” Lukas says.

“Not a problem!” Tino replies.

You can see that he's a bit more nervous when shaking Berwald's hand(because even vampires are frightened of Berwald).

“It was nice to meet you.” Tino says, still managing to smile sweetly.

“Same.” Berwald says.

Tino bids them Goodnight, and then the two of you walk to the door.

“Say Feli,” he says to you, “you mentioned earlier that you were looking for someone to team up with... I don't know anyone quite of the description you came up with, but I know a human Spaniard and a Japanese werecat who need a medic. They're searching for the cure and seeking out the head vampire. I could bring them around sometime so you could meet them, if you'd like.”

“That would be great!” you say. “After tonight, I bet Berwald and Lukas are going to start babying me, so I'd really like to prove myself, as long as I'm not in too much danger!”

“Don't worry about danger!” Tino says, smiling. “Kiku and Antonio are the best fighters I know. Antonio once beat me in a fight all by himself, and Kiku's slain a demon or two, so you can be assured that they're both quite hard-boiled!”

“Thank you so much!” you gush. “You've done so much for me! How can I ever repay you?”

“Look for the cure with them.” Tino tells you. “I want nothing more than for this bloodbath to end.”

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” you ask.

“You just did, but go ahead.”

“I have two questions, actually. The first one is: why did you seem so scared of Berwald? If you don't mind me asking, that is.”

“I'm not scared of him!” Tino insists. “He was just kind of glaring at me in a way that made me uncomfortable.”

“He wasn't glaring at you.” you assure him. “I've lived with him long enough to know when he's glaring or not.”

“Alright. What was your second question?”

**Ask about the meaning of life == >**

**Ask him to do the Macarena == >**

**Ask him what the Macarena _is_ , as it doesn't exist yet ==>**

**Ask about werewolves == >**

“Are there Good werewolves out there?” you ask. You know werecats are usually nice enough, if a bit aloof, but Lukas and Mathias have always insisted that werewolves are always Wicked. However, you still can't forget that wolf who saved your life.

“You mean like how I am a Good vampire?” Tino asks. “I would assume so, but I've never met one. Why do you ask?”

“Five years ago, a werewolf saved my life.” you say.

You and Tino say your Goodbyes, and then he leaves. You head back to where Berwald and Lukas are.

“What did you think of him?” you ask.

“Seems nice enough, but he could be hiding something darker.” Lukas says. That's exactly the kind of thing you expected him to say. You turn to Berwald and ask the question again.

“I th'nk I'm 'n love.” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes you are, Sweden.


	3. Within You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy meets ghost, boy and ghost meet vampire hunter, vampire hunter talks weird.

**Three days later == >**

You haven't seen much of Lukas lately. He's been sulking. You and Berwald leave him alone, only talking to him when you try to get him to eat. Thanks to the food you and Tino brought, Berwald hasn't had to go out looking for food yet.

To pass the time, you bother Berwald about liking Tino. You think it's utterly adorable and you suddenly have this desperate need to see them together, as a couple. The Swede tries to change the subject every time you bring it up, but you're relentless.

Tino shows up again, but this time he's brought a couple other people.

**Say hi == >**

“Ciao!” you say, shaking their hands.

“Hola!” says the taller man. He has messy, dark brown hair, tan skin and bright green eyes. He is smiling playfully, and you're sure that the two of you will get along quite well.

“Konichiwa.” the shorter man says politely. He has black hair, brown eyes and pale skin. You think he looks smart.

“Feli, this is Antonio,” Tino says, gesturing to the Spanish man, “and this is Kiku.” he points to the Asian man.

“It's nice to meet you!” you say sincerely. You don't get to socialize much, so this is a golden opportunity.. You lead them inside, having them sit down in the first row of seats. Berwald looks up from the table he's repairing, but doesn't say anything. Lukas is still sulking backstage.

“This must have been a magnificent theater...” Antonio says, looking around. “I wonder what it was like to see a show here.”

You look around as well, never having fully realized how amazing it would be to see an actual theatrical production put on. In fact, you might very well like to perform in a play yourself... should the opportunity ever arise.

Lukas emerges from the orchestra pit, introduces himself and then goes to make some tea. You, Tino, Antonio and Kiku all have a fairly pleasant conversation. The particulars about travel and such shall be dealt with later.

Meanwhile, we shall take a break from observing these airheads and have a change of perspective.

**Be Jia-Long == >**

Your name is Jia-Long. You are a handsome young lad of Asian descent and your older brother is the head vampire's secretary. You have sneaked away from their HQ and are now roaming the streets, hoping to see a zombie or something.

You know nothing will willingly harm you out here. The head vampire would surely make a fuss if his secretary made a fuss, and Yao would definitely make a fuss. Witch's fusses are fucking _terrifying,_ man.

_I'm used to it._

Quiet, you.

Even with your status, your brother is still paranoid about you being killed. But who gives a damn? You're sixteen – not a little kid anymore. If anyone is still immature it's Yong Soo.

_You can say that again._

If you're not going to say anything useful, then you can just shut up.

**Stfu == >**

_Hey, you can't just-_

That's more like it.

Anyway, you're exploring because you're a rebellious kid with high status in the undead world. Even though you're living, most creatures will think twice before attacking you. Zombies are another story, seeing as they're not known for thinking, but you know how to deal with them.

It's a lovely night out in N.Y.C. The zombies are fairly active, but none approach you. Is that a werecat yowling in the distance? Probably. Vampires don't typically hunt in this area because only really stupid humans would remain in the place with the highest population of vampires in the U.S.

You had been perusing an abandoned store, looking for more art supplies. You've been running low on pencils recently, and you could use a new sketch book. Just as you're exiting the shop, tucking the Goods into your bag, you come face to face with a ghost.

Normally, ghosts kinda creep you out. Not this one. This ghost is, quite frankly, utterly adorable. He looks about your age and his hair is a shade of silvery-white unnatural even for a ghost. He's got this sweet, uncertain expression, and he backs away uneasily as you step forward. He is obviously shocked to see you.

**Say hi == >**

**Ask for his number == >**

**Ask him who does his hair == >**

“ **What's a guy like you doing in a place like this?” == >**

**Use a similarly lame pickup line == >**

Most of those options are quite out-of-era. Forget I mentioned them.

**Say hi == >**

“Hey, pip.” you say nonchalantly.

He stares at you.

“Can you talk?” you ask.

He gives you a funny look, and then glides over to the shop window and breathes on the glass. Instead of hot, condensed moisture, he produces a thin layer of frost. In this, he uses his finger to write “I can whisper.”

“Oh.” you say. “I'm Wang Jia-Long. Just call me Jia-Long.”

To respond, the ghost has to get close to your ear. You don't mind in the slightest, but he obviously feels a bit awkward about it.

“I'm Emil Bondevik.” he whispers. “Originally Emil Steilsson.”

“Nice to meet you.” you reply. For some reason, it is.

“I haven't seen any humans in this area...” he says.

“Yeah... I'm special.” you reply. “I'm the butter and egg man's moll's little brother.”

The ghost looks slightly saddened for some reason. You go and sit on the curb, and motion for him to follow. Even though he is floating above the concrete by several inches, you're still a bit taller than he is.

“I can't find my big brother.” he whispers.

“That's a curve.” you reply. “What happened?”

Emil stares at you with a mix of “can you seriously not figure it out?” and what you hope is “gee, you're cute.”

“I died.” he whispers, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. “Not too long ago, either.”

“Where did you last see him?” you ask, as if helping a lost five-year-old at a train station or some place similar.

“He and I and some other orphans lived in an old theater...” he replies. “I've been looking for it, but I can never seem to find my way home...”

Here the ghost looks so sad, you are struck by a sudden urge to offer your assistance.

**Offer your assistance == >**

_But-_

**Do it == >**

You do it.

“Can I help?” you ask. “In any way at all?”

Once more, the ghost looks totally caught off guard.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because...” you're trying to find a reason that isn't off the cob. “Because I've got nothing better to do, of course. I don't get many chances to explore, so if Yao catches me I'll have a Good excuse.”

“Alright...” Emil says, still looking a bit bewildered. You can't get over the fact that he's wearing a bow in his collar. Not a bow tie, but a satin ribbon tied very nicely. It's adorable. You wish he was material enough for you to hug.

“Tell me about your life.” you say.

He complies.

As you learn more and more about him, you realize that once he finds his brother, he probably won't have any unfinished business left on earth and will promptly disappear upon seeing him. The thought is saddening, so you vow to yourself not to get too attached to him.

He seems a bit hesitant at first, but then he ends up telling you everything. Every kid who came and went, every one who never came back, each curtain and creaky floorboard... the abandoned set pieces and the velvet seats and the dressing rooms and the orchestra pit... and you listen to everything.

You listen to him talk about Alfred and Feliciano and Lovino and then Berwald and Mathias and most especially Lukas. He tells you about the time when the Italian brothers sneaked out and one of them got attacked by a zombie. He talks about the weird relationship between his brother and the Danish guy.

And he does all this in a whisper.

Even though you know that you shouldn't get attached to him, you're feeling quite sympathetic. You are definitely going to help him find his brother.

Yao will be furious, but since when have you ever given a fuck?

**Give a fuck == >**

Go on, I dare you.

…

…

You have no fucks left to give.

OK, you give a fuck about this sweet ghost boy, but WHATEVER. It's only because he's cute, and not because you're suddenly overwhelmed with a case of compassion or anything. Besides, he's wearing a pretty satin ribbon tied neatly in a bow around his neck. Bow ties are cool.

“I know a train we can catch in about an hour.” you say, getting up. Emil follows suit. “We're gonna find your brother.”

But before you can go anywhere, you find yourself face to face with a human armed to the teeth. He has blond hair that reaches just below his jaw and cold green eyes. You barely register this, however, because you are looking down the barrel of a gun.

“Well, isn't _this_ snazzy.” he says. “I go out expecting a wild goose chase in this apple, and here I find the perfect material to bleed the butter and egg man.”

“What?” you say.

“I'm sayin' I'm thinking of taking you right back to the speakeasy and using you as ransom material.” the man(you _think_ it's a man. His voice is fairly masculine) says. “It isn't everyday a broad like me finds a golden opportunity like you.”

You look at him in confusion.

“He wants to you use you to get at the head vampire.” Emil hisses in your ear.

“Oh.” you say. “Tell him I'd rather not. I'm kinda busy helping you at the moment.”

“I will not be your messenger pigeon.”

“Fine. Be that way.” you reply. “Even though I only want to help you...”

“Quit bumping gums.” the man says. “I'm packing heat and I have no qualms about giving you lead poisoning. Leave your pally and come with me, lest I should put you in your Chicago overcoat a bit early.”

You look helplessly towards Emil, who rolls his eyes.

“He's threatening you.” the ghost says. “He wants you to leave me and go with him.”

**Be outraged == >**

“I'm not leaving Emil.” you say. “Plus, my brother-the head vampire's secretary, as you know- will freak out if I get kidnapped. And if Yao freaks out, then Mr. Fangs-and-danger will have to do something about it.”

“That's kind of the point.” the man says. “Wanna lure him out into the open so I can introduce him to my bean shooter. Or maybe a nice hot slice of garlic bread.”

“Yeah... not coming with you.” you say.

“The only reason I haven't plugged you yet is because you're more use to me alive. I can still kill you.” he says.

“Do you really want an ancient, all-powerful vampire going on a rampage?” you ask. “He thinks of me as a son, you know.”

“Maybe that's just what I want...” the man says. “Maybe I want him so angry that he'll come up to me so I can say 'Abyssinia, twit' and plug him smooth. And trust me, it won't be any trip for the biscuits, neither. Even if I die, at least I'll go knowing I did something. Death is preferable to a world where a dame like me can't be an actress or canary.”

**Understand what he is saying perfectly == >**

“Huh?” you reply.

“He wants to be an actress.” Emil relays. “But he can't, so he's taking his anger out on the head vampire... or something.”

“Whatever. This is really eating up time,” you say, “and I really don't want to get shot. Any ideas?”

“Just a moment.” Emil replies.

The blond man is still talking, perhaps about some guy named “Toris”. He doesn't notice the rapidly declining temperature.

Within a minute, the gunsel becomes a gunsicle.

“Whoa, nice going!” you say to Emil. “I didn't know ghosts had freaky ice powers!”

“They don't, normally.” Emil says sheepishly. “I'm a freak of nature no matter if I'm alive or dead.”

“That is too cool!” you say.

“Stop teasing me.” Emil groans.

“I'm not teasing you.” you tell him, frowning slightly. “I think having ice powers is totally snazzy. My brother would _kill_ to be able to freeze people even half as potently as that!”

You two are now headed down to the train station.

“Still... I'd trade all these powers if I could just fit in for once.” Emil sighs.

**Facepalm == >**

“Fitting in is for losers.” you tell him. “Standing out is where it's at. You and me, we're special. We're different. We do things our own way and at our own pace. I say go ahead and put me on a pedestal, because that pedestal will be my stage.”

“You're crazy.” Emil whispers.

“Good!” you reply. “That means I'm a special goddamn snowflake. Of course, my crazy is a classy crazy.”

“No, your crazy is just crazy crazy.” Emil chuckles.

“If it makes you laugh, then it's worth it.” you say, watching Emil's cheeks heat up(or cool down? You don't know how it works with him.)

You have finally reached the train station. All the trains are run by werecats(in human form, of course) and you, thanks to your status, are technically allowed to ride wherever you want, whenever you want, free of charge. Same for whatever guests you happen to bring.

Typically, only zombies and werecreatures ride the trains, since vampires can fly and ghosts can drift, but yours is a special case.

You and Emil watch as the ghastly-looking train pulls up into the station. God, you're glad that you can nab first-class seats. Emil seems put off by the general creepiness of the train, but you tell him that looks can be deceiving and that this train is in better shape than any other in America.

When Emil still looks hesitant, you remind him that one trip wouldn't kill him. He rolls his eyes at you as he drifts on board.

“So I've been thinking...” you say as the two of you take your seats.

“That's a surprise.” Emil mutters.

“Hush. I've been thinking about that theater you told me about... if what I remember is accurate, then we get off in six stops and then take a separate train for a while and that should put us right near the theater that most closely matches the description you gave me.”

Emil stares at you.

“What?” you ask.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks.

“I thought I answered that.” you say.

“I mean, why are you _really_ helping me?” Emil explains. “No one does this sort of thing just to spite their brother, or whatever the shit excuse you gave me was.”

**Answer in an honest and meaningful way == >**

“I... uh... it was just kinda sad, seeing you lost and alone like that.” you admit. “Most of the time, ghosts usually look extremely apathetic, but you... I don't know... you looked _human._ ”

Whoa, way to go. You actually managed “honest and meaningful.”

Emil is still staring at you, but in a slightly different way.

“You look human too, you know.” he remarks.

“You know what I mean.” you say.

“... Again, thank you.” Emil says, averting his gaze.

“Don't mention it.” you say offhandedly.

Anyway, I'm sick of you. Let's go to a different viewpoint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poland translation: "Well, isn't this snazzy."(isn't this lovely?) he says. "I go out expecting a wild goose chase in this apple(big city), and here I find the perfect material to bleed(blackmail) the butter and egg man(boss, in this case referring to the head vampire)."
> 
> "I'm sayin' I'm thinking of taking you right back to the speakeasy(in this case, vampire refuge) and using you as ransom material." the man says. "It isn't everyday a broad(girl) like me finds a golden opportunity like you."
> 
> "Quit bumping gums(chattering on and on)." the man says. "I'm packing heat(I've got a gun) and I have no qualms about giving you lead poisoning(shooting you). Leave your pally(friend) and come with me, lest I should put you in your Chicago overcoat(coffin) a bit early."
> 
> "Maybe I want him so angry that he'll come up to me so I can say 'Abyssinia(I'll be seeing you), twit(pregnant goldfish)' and plug him smooth(put a pullet in him). And trust me, it won't be any trip for the biscuits(for nothing), neither. Even if I die, at least I'll go knowing I did something. Death is preferable to a world where a dame like me can't be an actress or canary(singer)."
> 
> Gunsel is a dergatory word, I believe.


	4. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neko boy meets werewolf, neko boy likes were wolf, werewolf is kind of a pervert.

**Be Kiku == >**

You are now Kiku Honda. You, Antonio and Feliciano have been on the road for two days, not entirely sure where you're going. Supposedly, you're heading for the largest speakeasy(a word which here means “refuge from zombies”) in the state, where all the info on supernatural monsters is kept. From there, you'll figure out a mission and go out to help save the world or something.

Currently, Feli and Antonio are staking out an old manor house while you keep watch outside. You are in cat form, as you are a lot less conspicuous that way. You're prowling up and down the street, keeping an eye and an ear out for trouble.

Well, you got trouble, my friend.

He's a handsome man, with enchanting green eyes and silky brown hair that hangs just past his jaw, but he's a werewolf nonetheless. He's strolling down the street, and he looks like he's searching for something. If he comes any closer to the manor, then you're going to raise the alarm and/or attack him. However, he is still at a distance, so it's possible that he will just turn and leave. After all, it would be a shame to hurt such a gorgeous face.

You berate yourself for thinking of him as gorgeous.

He is not merely gorgeous, after all. He is breathtaking.

You're still berating yourself.

**Cut it out and see what he does == >**

The werewolf stops and sits on a bench, yawning in the sun. He stretches and you have to make a point of not looking at his tan, well-muscled(yet lean) arms. The light dances on his hair, creating a slightly golden glow.

**Stop think such lewd thoughts! == >**

You are unsuccessful.

Thanks to your sharp nose, you can tell that the man hasn't mauled any humans lately, and that he had eaten a turkey sandwich about an hour ago. Despite the obviously wolfish scent, there's also quite a bit of cat mingled in there.

Oh my gosh, what if this guy is a werecat killer?

No, there's no signs of blood on him, and the cat scent is fairly fresh. He must just be a feline fanatic.

There's also a slight trace of olive oil and something flowery you can't quite place to his aroma. Is that honey you smell? And catnip. Definitely catnip. You can't help but draw nearer, enticed by this unusual person.

Oh crap, he's seen you.

You freeze, fur standing on end. You are ready to run.

He smiles softly, and holds out his hand to you.

That's human for “I want to pet you.”

No way are you trusting such a suspiciously-handsome young werewolf!

**Go on, nuzzle his hand == >**

_What? But... I..._

**Do it == >**

Tentatively, you step forward. The man's smile widens ever-so-slightly, and he seems to beckon with his outstretched hand.

So. Fucking. Suspicious.

Still, you're sure that you could totally kick his well-toned ass, if the need should arise.

You close the distance between yourself and his hand and let him stroke your fur. Even though it's demeaning and you're feeling slightly violated, it's been quite a while since you've been pet and it feels Good.

He's surprisingly gentle, and you can't help but close your eyes and nuzzle his hand warmly. For all he knows, you're just a lovable stray.

In fact, you're so lovable that you find yourself on his lap, and you don't even care. Your purr is a quiet purr but it's a sincere one. The man chuckles to himself, but it's not an Wicked chuckle. It's a kind chuckle.

Before you know it, his right hand finds that spot just before the tail, and you kind of forget yourself. That spot is a trigger. You're in human form now.

You don't even realize anything is wrong until you notice that the man has stopped petting you. Then you look at your hands, realize what has happened, and leap away from him, blushing and stammering and freaking out and being utterly adorable.

“I... you... er... I mean...” your face is quite red. “I apologize!” you blurt out.

“For what?” the man asks, tilting his head to the side.

You give him a stare. That stare that says “are you _kidding_ me?”

“I let myself get carried away.” you explain. “You had no idea that I am a werecat and I took advantage of that and I don't know _what_ came over me but-”

“I knew you were a werecat.” the man says in a calm, soothing voice.

**Try not to gape at him == >**

You have failed miserably.

**Slap him == >**

But that would be impolite!

**Interrogate him == >**

“Who are you?” you ask.

“Heracles Karpusi, unwilling werewolf.” he says, and he takes your hand and makes as if he's about to kiss it, but you pull it away. This man is making you uncomfortable in a strange way that sends a shiver up your spine. If he were anyone else, you'd probably kill him for even _thinking_ of kissing your hand.

“I am Kiku Honda.” you reply. “Unwilling? Might I ask what you mean by that?”

“I want nothing more than to be a werecat.” Heracles sighs. “All my life, I have adored cats, dating back to when I was still in diapers and crawling after my mother's old tomcat. It's just my luck to have been bitten by a Turkish werewolf.”

“Ah. I see.” you reply.

“Cats are just... so cool.” he says. “Clever and sophisticated and independent and graceful... and you don't lose your cool when in creature form. You make a Good cat.”

Your cheeks go pink at the compliment.

“Er, thanks.” you say. “What are you doing here, if I may be so bold?”

“You may.” Heracles says, face blank but eyes twinkling. “I am looking for a Good place to nap while my friend searches for food. I guess he'll be along soon.”

“Your friend?” you ask. “Er, he isn't planning to look for food in that manor, is he?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Two of my travel companions are in there, making sure it's a safe place to stay the night.” you explain. “If your friend is likely to harm them, then I am afraid that I will have to... prevent him from doing so.”

Heracles considers this for a moment.

“What are your friends' names?”

“Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Feliciano Vargas.” you reply, a bit perplexed at his odd question. Heracles smiles at the second name.

“He won't hurt them.” he says.

You stare at him for a moment before deciding to take this man's strange ways in stride.

You and Heracles both look up when you notice a large gray wolf stalking down the street opposite you. It looks up at Heracles, who waves, and then continues on to the manor.

“So... are there more of you?” you ask.

“Oh yeah. Ludwig and I are members of this resistance planning to overthrow the head vampire and restore things back to the way they were. We've got humans, mostly, but a couple werewolves like me and Ludwig and his brother... and a few odd ghosts...”

You stare at him. How could he be so willing to give away such precious information?

**Could it be? == >**

“You mean... you're from the largest speakeasy in America?” you ask.

“Pretty much.” Heracles shrugs. “We call ourselves Abyssinia, though. 'The largest speakeasy in America' really doesn't have much of a ring to it.”

“My associates and I have been looking for your group!” you tell him. “We weren't expecting to find you so quickly!”

“Really? Our headquarters isn't that far from here...” Heracles says thoughtfully. “I'll take you there, if you'd like.”

“That would be splendid.” you say gratefully.

“However, you must do something for me first...” the olive-skinned man continues.

“What do you have in mind?” you ask cautiously.

“Well... I've known some werecats who have the ability to call forth certain aspects of their animal form while still retaining human form...” he says. “I would like to see what you would look like with cat ears and a tail.”

**OK,** _**now** _ **you slap him == >**

“Excuse me?” you ask incredulously. You were expecting to have to do him a favor, or give him information, or something _useful!_

“I said-”

“I heard what you said!” you say sharply, before covering your mouth with your hands. Why are you being so rude? “Sumimasen. I only found it hard to believe you would ask something so... trivial of me.”

“You can do it, then?”

“Of course.” you say.

**Be the neko boy == >**

You are now the neko boy.

Me _ow~_

Heracles raises his eyebrows, and gives you a quick once-over. He then smiles approvingly.

“Adorable.” he says.

You immediately revert back to full human form, cheeks pinker than cherry blossoms.

“Excuse me?”  


“What, did you sneeze?” Heracles asks. It takes you a moment to realize that he is teasing you. “I said that you're adorable.”

“I...” you don't know what to say. This situation is entirely unfamiliar to you. “You... I'm...”

“Cat got your tongue?” he asks in a lazy tone. “Oh, are you thinking that I only called you cute because of the cat ears? Don't worry, you're adorable with or without them.”

“I am afraid that I am not used to being spoken to in such a forward manner.” you say, trying to regain control over yourself.

“Oh? You'd think it would happen more often, considering...” he says, eying you with what could possibly be a knowing look.

Do you have any idea how awesome it is that this sexy Grecian werewolf is hitting on you? You don't have time to really think about it, though, because you are interrupted by Feliciano and Ludwig exiting the building, with no Antonio in sight.

What has happened?


	5. Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feli lives

**What happened while you were flirting with the hot guy? == >**

Back to being Feliciano.

You and Antonio are checking out this manor house. You didn't want to be left alone on guard, so Kiku volunteered to do that and you went with the Spaniard. Antonio sort of reminds you of Mathias, though he is a lot gentler and slightly more subdued.

You really aren't that concerned about any threats, and neither is Antonio. However, the two of you make sure to keep your voices down.

“And that's why Tino and Berwald should let me be the ring bearer.” you finish. Antonio chuckles.

“If it's even possible to get married in this world anymore, then I wish the best of luck to you.” he says.

“Do you ever want to get married to someone?” you ask.

“Only if I find the right person,” Antonio replies, “someone with spark and personality, definitely. What about you, Feli?”

“I don't know... I just want someone to keep me safe.” you say. “But I really want to be a ring bearer.”

“Tell you what,” Antonio says with a grin, “if I ever get married, you can be my ring bearer for sure.”

“I'd like that~” you tell him. “And if I ever get married, you can my best man... Lukas would probably want to give me away, of course.”

A sudden noise-a floorboard creaking- causes the both of you to freeze in your tracks. This manor isn't quite abandoned...

“Run.” Antonio whispers, assuming a fighting stance with his ax.

You worry about him, but you obey without question.

However, you are pretty much lost, and you find yourself in a dead end, because that is what happens to you because you have weird luck.

And coming right after you is a zombie.

**Fight == >**

You turn and draw your gun, but you realize that you won't ever pull the trigger.

Why?

This zombie is your brother.

He stares at you with cloudy, unfocused eyes. He's dragging one leg behind him, and his hair is messy and his cheeks shallow, but he looks to be in much better shape than some of the other zombies you've seen. His movements are stiff, as to be expected, and he doesn't seem to recognize you, also as expected.

“L-Lovi...” you whimper. “Lovi, it's me. Your brother. Feliciano. Don't you remember me, Lovino?”

He doesn't reply, preferring instead to continue his advance.

He makes a zombie-type noise, and you realize that you are totally screwed. Well, at least it'll be your brother who kills you, and not some stranger...

Then something catches your eye. Someone's got a gun aimed at the back of Lovi's head!

“No!” you yell. “Don't hurt him! Please!”

The figure pauses, then uses the butt of the gun to knock Lovi out. You gasp, but the newcomer gives you no time to do anything. He grabs your arm and pulls you through a hallway, down a flight of stairs and out into the open. Sweet, beautiful outdoors...

Your savior turns and glares at you.

“What the hell were you thinking, going in there? That place practically _reeks_ of the undead! And why were you so insistent that I not kill the creature who was about to feast on your flesh? What is wrong with you?”

You can't fight the tears anymore.

You break down, sobbing, and plop yourself down unceremoniously on the pavement. The man hesitates, but then sits down next to you and rubs your back.

**Explain through your tears == >**

“He... he.... he's my brother...” you tell him. “My... my older brother. L-L-Lovino. Me and... and... Antonio!” you exclaim. “He's still in there!”

The man who saved you stiffens.

“I thought I smelled a second human...” he says. “Dammit. He's probably dead by now.”

You cry even harder now.

“I c-c-can't believe it!” you wail. “This k-keeps happening! People keeping dying for me a-a-and then I have to get saved by some supernatural creature! F-f-first Lovi and then M-Mathias and now Antonio!”

“This is a recurring pattern for you?” your savior asks.

“Apparently!” you reply.

“Feliciano-kun!” Kiku is hurrying over, an unfamiliar man trailing behind him. “Is everything alright? Where is Antonio-san?”

You're crying too hard to reply coherently.

“Dead.” says the man who saved you.

“Are you sure?” Kiku asks.

“Positive.” says the man.

The unfamiliar man with olive skin sits down next to you.

“What's your name?” he asks.

“Feli-Feli-Feliciano Vargas.” you hiccup.

“I'm Heracles Karpusi, and of course you've met Ludwig.” he replies. You look over at the (presumed) werewolf who saved you.

He's quite handsome, with slicked-back blond hair and sky blue eyes...

Very _familiar_ sky blue eyes.

**Remember == >**

“It's you!” you exclaim, tears forgotten. “You're the werewolf who saved me all those years ago!”

Ludwig blinks.

“You remember me?”

“Of course I do!” you tell him. “If it weren't for you, I'd be dead right now... twice! I'd be double-dead!”

“To be fair, you seem to owe a _lot_ of people your life.” Kiku mutters.

“Oh hush, you.” you tell him. “You got to relax out here with Heracles while I went through a highly traumatic experience. You're lucky Ludwig saved me, or else you'd have to live with the guilt of letting me get mutilated by my own flesh and blood and believe me, Kiku, I'd come back to haunt you.”

Ludwig stares at you.

“Is he always so... quick to change his mood?” he asks Kiku.

“Hai.” the Japanese man replied. “His body repels negative emotions, unless said negative emotion is fear. Oh, forgive me for being so rude. My name is Kiku Honda.”  
“Ludwig Beilschmidt.” Ludwig says.

Kiku and Heracles explain about Abyssinia, although Kiku tries to skim over the details of how he got Heracles to agree to take them there. Heracles attempts to reveal it, but Kiku gives him this look which you have seen Lukas give Mathias, and the Grecian man respectfully shuts his trap.

Throughout this, you sneak glances at Ludwig. You just can't believe you've finally met the werewolf who saved your life!

**Believe it == >**

Yeah, you're still having trouble fathoming it.

Anyway, you weren't expecting the hero of your youth to be this Good-looking! I mean, seriously, are werewolves even _allowed_ to be this hot?

You suppose that Heracles is also attractive, objectively, but that's beside the point.

And then something COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED happens.

“Er... hola, mi amigos!”


	6. Thank Goodness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not dead yet

**What the hell, Antonio? == >**

You are now Antonio right before Ludwig came in and rescued Feliciano.

Hello sexy! You are, essentially, the Spanish god of passion and being gorgeous.

Yum.

Why is everyone in this story Good-looking? Seriously, there _must_ be ugly humans in a zombie apocalypse or it just isn't fair!

Anyway, you find yourself faced by at least twenty zombies who seem to have come out of nowhere.

After it is made apparent that you cannot beat them, you turn and run.

It seems that Feliciano is rubbing off on you.

You lose the dread(the collective noun for a group of zombies), but you find yourself in a kitchen with no escape.

Oh well. At least you'll die in a place where food is meant to be served.

A single zombie limps in, heading directly for you. You close your eyes and sigh, wondering if you should kill this one, at the very least.

A whole minute passes of you not dying, so you open your eyes to see what the holdup is.

The zombie is still there, but he's not doing anything. He's just staring at you with unfathomably undead eyes. Maybe he's scared of the ax you've been carrying around? If so, then he has a lot more sense than any other zombie you've ever met.

Seriously. Zombies must be magnetically attracted to your ax or something.

I'd make a dirty innuendo here, but you're kind of about to die and that would be disrespectful.

The zombie who is certainly about to take your life might have been quite Good-looking before he became a member of the undead, but it certainly doesn't show now. His hair, though grimy and tangled, is a familiar shade of chestnut brown, and his eyes look to be the same shade of amber as Feli's. In fact, this zombie bears a _striking_ resemblance to your Italian friend!

“Are you... by any chance... Lovino Vargas?” you ask.

To your surprise, the zombie nods.

Before you can ask anything else, you hear the unmistakable sound of more zombies approaching. Lovino turns and walks to the door, grunting at his fellows. After a strange little conversation-type thing, the other zombies go away and Lovino returns his attention to you.

“You sent them away...” you say. He nods. “Why?” you ask. He shrugs. “Are you going to kill me?” you ask. He shakes his head.

**Recover from your traumatic experience at record speed == >**

“Oh, that's Good!” you say, getting to your feet. “I didn't want to die quite yet, anyway! It's very nice to meet you! I know your brother! In fact, he was in here somewhere!”

The zombie looks at you like you're crazy.

“What, you don't remember your brother?”

The zombie nods.

“Aw, that's a shame!” you say. “He remembers you, you know! So why didn't you kill me? I was practically a sitting tomato there!”

The zombie shrugs.

“Er... OK! Anyway, do you know the way out of here?” you ask. “I'm completely lost! Once I find my bearings, I could probably find your brother, too!”

Lovino stares at you for a moment, then turns and begins to sulk out of the room. You follow him, still bright and cheerful, if slightly wary.

“My name is Antonio, by the way!” you tell him. “Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! But you can call me Toni! Can I call you Lovi? My favorite animals are turtles because-”

Lovino looks over at you and, slowly, raises a finger to his lips.

He's telling you to shut the fuck up.

**Shut the fuck up == >**

“Oh, right! Sorry! I'll be quiet!” you assure him.

He attempts to roll his eyes, but only succeeds with the left one.

You follow him right up to the front door, where you spy your friends across the street, including Feliciano.

“Ah, there they are!” you say happily. “And there's your brother! Thanks for helping me, Lovi! Oh, would you like to come with me? If you promise not to eat anyone, that is!”

The zombie gives you that “are you _insane?_ ” look again, but he trails after you as you head outside.

“Er... hola, mi amigos!” you call, and they all look up. Feliciano gasps and runs to you, and you catch him in a hug.

“Toni!” he exclaims. “I thought you were dead! Guess what! Remember that werewolf I told you about? He saved my life again and his name is Ludwig and I saw my brother and- Lovi?”

Feliciano stares at Lovino, who does not react.

“He... he still doesn't recognize me.” Feliciano whimpers, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Not yet.” you say to him. “He saved me from some other zombies, and then he led me out here! So I think maybe he could be the key to finding the cure!”

“Is that so?” the buff blond guy asks, as the rest of the group joins you.

“Mm-hmm!” you say. “I don't think he'll hurt any of us... not when I'm around, at least... I don't know...”

“We should probably take them all back to Abyssinia, then.” the buff blond says. You suppose he might be Ludwig. “Also, Kiku, whatever Heracles made you do was totally unnecessary. I would have taken you all there anyway.”


	7. I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illegal bootleg alcohol and also werewolves

**Be Feliciano again == >**

You are now the idiot.

You are following your newly-found friends to their hideout. Everything seems a whole lot less scary when Ludwig's around!

“Where are you from?” you ask him.

“Well, I was born in Germany...” he replies stiffly.

“Really? I was born in Italy!” you say. “I don't remember it at all, though. Do you have any family?”

“I think my grandfather is still in Germany... and I have my brother, Gilbert, back at Abyssinia. You've met him.”

“I have?” you ask. Then you realize... “Oh, he's the one who attacked me all those years ago! Promise you won't let him hurt me!”

“Er... I promise.” Ludwig says, a bit taken aback by your mood swing. “He's more obnoxious than dangerous while in human form, anyway.”

“Alright, then!” you say. “Perhaps he and I can be friends! I seem to be making a lot of new friends, lately! What about you, fratello?” you turn to Lovino(which means you have to walk backwards) and he gives you a blank stare. You sigh.

“Still don't recognize me, hmm?” you ask. “At least you aren't yelling at me. Do you think, if you were still alive, you'd be yelling at Antonio? You seem to like him... but you'd never admit that while human, I bet! You were always weird about that sort of thing, you know.”

Lovi doesn't appear to be listening to you, which sort of breaks your heart.

“It'll be alright, Feli.” Antonio assures you.

You begin to wonder if that will ever be true.

After a while, you all make it to a quaint-looking cafe which was probably abandoned years ago. The economy always drops during a zombie apocalypse.

“Welcome to Abyssinia.” Heracles says.

“It's very... cozy?” Kiku replies.

“It's actually much bigger on the inside.” Ludwig reassures him.

Heracles leads you all inside and into the back room, where he pulls open the cellar door. You are taken aback by the sudden chatter and music that spills out of it. Ludwig leads the way, followed by Antonio who asks Lovino to keep watch. Then you and Kiku descend the stairs, closely followed by Heracles.

**OMG == >**

“Wow...” you breathe.

You've never seen so many people in your life.

The room-well, it's more of a cave- is huge and well-lit, and there's a bar and a kitchen and some sleeping bags and hammocks and _so many people._

“And there I was, face-to-face with the head vampire's filly's brother, and he's got this kid wearing his Chicago overcoat hanging next to him, and I tell him that I'm packing heat and the crumb's just bumping gums with the ghost and is acting all calm and I'm getting positively _Wicked_ here and I'm about to fill him with sunlight when suddenly, I feel all stiff and cold, and the next thing I know I'm frozen solid!”

A young man with blond hair is talking to a circle of people hanging on to his story, gasping and hushing each other at appropriate moments.

“If you were frozen solid, then how are you here talking to us?” asks a guy with messy blond hair and an irate expression.

“I melted, obviously.” the storyteller says. “Don't you ever _think,_ Vash?”

“Well, I _think_ that if you were frozen solid, then your innards were too, and if your innards were frozen solid, then you'd be dead.”

“Well, you _thought_ wrong.” the storyteller replies. “It was a _magic_ freezing spell, dummy. I doubt that ghost had enough nerve to drag someone else down to the afterlife with him.”

“Oh look, Ludwig and Heracles are back!” says a pretty blonde girl wearing a headband.

“And they brought new recruits!” adds an Australian man.

“Uh... hi?” you say.

“Could everyone shut up for a moment?” Ludwig asks in a loud voice. Everyone shuts up. “Thank you. These three have been searching for our group, and now that they've found us, I trust you'll treat them with respect. Go ahead and introduce yourselves.” he says to the three of you.

“Hola! I am Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! Just call me Toni!” Antonio says.

“I am Kiku Honda. It is an honor to be here.” says Kiku.

“My name's Feliciano Vargas! You can call me Feli!” you say.

“Feliciano Vargas?” asks a member of the crowd. “Whoa, I didn't think I'd ever see you again!”

**Who dares address you? == >**

You take a closer look.

“Alfred?” you ask uncertainly.

“Yeah, man! It's me!” the blond says, getting up.

“Alfred!” you say again, running over to hug him. “We all thought you were dead!”

“Nah, man. I totally duped those vampires!” he says.

“I wouldn't put it past you!” you laugh. “You wouldn't believe all the adventures I've been having recently! Berwald is smitten with this kind Finnish vampire who introduced me to Kiku and Antonio, and Mathias was... er... killed. By the same vampires who got you, I think! Isn't that an odd coincidence?”

“Geez, really? That's a bummer.” Alfred sighs. “All the cool people either get killed by monsters or are me.”

“One more announcement!” says Ludwig. “Lovino Vargas, Feliciano's late twin brother, is up in the cafe. He followed Antonio out of a zombie nest and seems fairly docile. I hope none of you will give him problems.”

This is met by some doubtful murmurs.

“We're harboring a _zombie?_ ” the blond storyteller exclaims. “That's _so_ not snazzy.”

“ _Seems_ fairly docile? That's _so_ reassuring.”

“What if it eats us while we sleep?”

“Sleep? Who can sleep knowing a zombie is in the other room?”

“Hey!” Antonio yells. Everyone shuts up and looks at him. “I only just met him, but I am positive that Lovi won't hurt any of us! I thought you guys were the most powerful speakeasy in America, but you're scared of a single zombie? Lovi saved my life, and I'm certain that he is the key to finding the cure! Any problems with him may be taken up with me!”

“Whoa...” Alfred says quietly. “This guy's _intense._ ”

**In comes awesome == >**

To one side of the room, a sleepy man with severe bedhead and a bit of a hangover wakes up.

“Huh? Luddy, what's going on?” he asks groggily.

“I am not going to have everyone repeat themselves, Gilbert.” Ludwig replies.

“Gilbert?” Antonio asks. “Gilbert _Beilschmidt?_ ”

“Antonio?” Gilbert asks, getting to his feet.

The Spaniard laughes and runs over to hug him.

“Mi amigo! I didn't think I'd ever see you again!” he exclaimes happily.

“Geez, give a guy some space.” Gilbert grumbles, but he is smiling. “And do ya hafta yell right into my ear? I've got a bit of a not-so-awesome headache.”

“I missed you too!” Antonio says happily. “I didn't know Ludwig was your brother! Oh, that's Feliciano Vargas and that's Kiku Honda! And upstairs is a zombie named Lovino Vargas and I won't hear a word against him, you got that, buddy?” Antonio's demeanor has gone from chipper to cold all too fast.

“Uh-huh.” Gilbert said. “Wait, Feliciano? Isn't he the guy who... damn.” the albino pushes Antonio away and walks over to you. “Listen, I'm sorry I attacked you way back then. It was really un-awesome of me.”

 **Kill him!** ==>

 **Punch him!** ==>

 **Forgive and forget** ==>

“That's alright!” you say. “If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have met Ludwig!”

“Huh, someone actually likes Ludwig?” Gilbert asks in mock surprise. “That's a shock! No offense, Luddy, but you're such a stick in the mud sometimes!”

“I think he's really nice!” you say with a frown. “And he's saved my life on more than one occasion!”

“Can we change the subject?” Ludwig asks uncomfortably.

You spend the rest of the day chatting with the members of Abyssinia. You, Antonio and Kiku are all given sleeping bags and food and beverages, and a few of the braver members go up with Antonio to hang out with Lovino. Antonio doesn't seem to want to let anyone besides you and him be alone with your brother, which you think is awfully sweet.


	8. Peter And The Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically I'm an avid thespian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find this chapter rather corny and embarrassing. You have been warned.

**Meanwhile** == >

“T'no?”

“Yes?”

“... n'ver m'nd.”

“What?”

“It's n'th'ng.”

You frown. It's definitely not nothing.

“Are you sure?”

“...”

“Come on, Berwald...”

“I... h've y' ever seen a pr'per play?”

You know that's not what he had been originally meaning to say, but you go along with it.

“Once, yes. When I was pretty young.”

“Wh't w's it like?”

It must have been odd, growing up in a theater and not knowing how it worked.

“It was... magical.” you say. “Not like witch magic, though. It was just... a wonderful experience, witnessing a whole new world brought to life on stage. There's something amazing about living, breathing theater.”

Berwald seems lost in thought, gazing absentmindedly at the stage. Once you get past his intimidating aura, he really is quite handsome...

“W'sh I c'ld see a m'sical.” he says.

“A shame there aren't any theater troupes currently performing.” you remark. “Honestly, sometimes I wish things were back to normal just so I can do stupid things again. Zombie apocalypses require you to be on your A game all the time and frankly, I'm exhausted.”

Berwald looks over at you, but doesn't appear to have anything to say.

“I can still remember what being a human kid in a theater is like.” you continue. “Of course, most kids don't have very Good attention spans, but I was a very patient child. I remember being fascinated with all the instruments in the orchestra pit, and how quickly they could change sets, and the wacky stage makeup, and clapping til my hands hurt...

“The dances were so coordinated, and the actors spoke and sung with such passion... I love musical theater because you never have to keep your feelings bottled up; you can just sing your happiness or your anger or your sorrow and no one thinks you're weak because of it. If you're overjoyed in real life, then it's tricky to express, but in a musical you can just start singing and everyone will join you.

“Wouldn't life be more interesting if it were a musical?” you ask. Berwald nods. “Of course, I'm not a very Good singer, but that would still be very fun. And people wouldn't really die, and we'd all get to wear beautiful costumes and... well, I could do without the makeup.”

Berwald is about to say something when you hear a noise at the front door. The two of you exchange a glace before getting up.

It's a strange sort of noise, and you can't quite place it, even though it does sound very familiar.

Berwald opens the door just a crack and peers out. He pauses, and then he smiles and you can't help but stare because Berwald has a gorgeous smile.

“I d'n't think it''s h'rmful.” he tells you, opening the door all the way.

 **Look outside** == >

Standing on the pavement outside the door is the cutest little thing you have ever seen in your life. She's the fluffiest, whitest dog in the universe and you immediately love her.

“Oh my gosh, she's _adorable!_ ” you exclaim, kneeling and holding out your hand for her to sniff. “Where did you come from, sweetheart?” you ask. The dog yips, turns and trots a ways ahead, then looks back at you and yips again.

“She wants us to follow her, I think!” you say.

“It m'ght b' a tr'p.” Berwald warns you, as you seem all too eager to follow this dog anywhere.

“Don't worry, I've got you with me!” you reply. Berwald's cheeks go a bit pink, and he follows you as the dog leads the way through some alleys and down a street.

Eventually, you end up in an old church. Berwald is looking around for any suspicious activity as the dog leads you to one of the pews, wherein lies the second cutest thing you have seen all day.

“Berwald!” you exclaim in a hushed voice. “You'd better take a look at this!”

A little boy, hardly older than eleven, is lying unconscious on the cushioned bench. He has messy blond hair and thick eyebrows and oh shit he's injured.

A wound on his stomach is spilling blood onto the pew, and the boy's breaths are haggard and weak. The dog yips again, jumping onto the pew and nuzzling the boy's hand. This is too precious and too sad for your heart to take. Luckily, Berwald is right by your side.

**Take him home == >**

After you do your best to stop the bleeding(it was a werewolf bite, unfortunately for the little kid), Berwald picks him up, and you pick the dog up, and you head back to the theater where you find Lukas who grabs the medical kit.

Berwald sets the kid down in one of the hammocks backstage, and Lukas tends to his wounds.

“Poor kid...” you say, petting the dog. “I wonder what happened? Smart of him to take refuge in a church... most nefarious critters can't stand that kind of place.”

“I'm s're he'll b' fine.” Berwald assures you. “That d'g f'nd us j'st 'n time.”

The dog looked proud.

“She's a very Good dog.” you agree. “Just the kind I wanted to have when I was that kid's age.”

A moment of comfortable silence passes between you two.

“Wh't did y' want t' be when y' grew up?” Berwald asks suddenly.

“A mosquito.” you say. Berwald smirks. “Actually... I didn't really have anything in mind for adulthood. I remember planning out my future wedding, like every other little girl, and imagining myself an epic tree house with slides and a swimming pool... but I never thought about what I wanted to do. When I was a teenager, I kinda wanted to be a chef, but... my parents refused to sign me up for cooking classes after I set fire to what was going to be a nice bowl of cereal.”

Something amazing happens.

Berwald starts _laughing._

“What?” you ask.

“You.” he says. “You're too cute.”

You both pause as the two of you realize what he just said.

Before anything else can be done, Lukas pokes his head into the room.

“Hey, the kid's awake.” he says.

Immediately, you both get to your feet and follow the Norwegian backstage. The dog runs alongside you, and she rushes over and jumps into the boy's lap.

He's got adorable blue eyes and a bright look about him.

**Say hi == >**

“Hi!” you say to him. “I'm Tino! I'm very glad you're alright! What's your name?”

“I'm Peter Kirkland!” the kid says in a cute British accent. He looks over at Berwald. “Who are you?” he asks in a voice that's politely curious, apparently not intimidated by the Swede.

“I'm B'rw'ld.” Berwald says in a slightly uncomfortable tone.

“Nice to meet you!” Peter says, hugging his dog. “This is Hanatamago! It means Flower Egg or something like that.”

“She's a very nice dog.” you say, sitting down next to the kid's hammock. “She's the one who led us to you.”

“Hana's really smart!” Peter says proudly.

“How old are you, Peter?”

“Ten!” he proclaims.

“S' wh't h'ppened?” Berwald asks.

You're about to shush him, thinking that the kid probably doesn't want to talk about the experience, when Peter begins talking.

“It was the coolest thing!” he says. “This huge wolf with yellow eyes jumped right out at me! Hana started barking at it, but then it almost ate her so we ran. I grabbed the lid off a trash can to use as a shield, but I tripped and dropped it. The wolf bit me-and it really hurt, but I didn't cry!- and then Hana scared it off and led me into the church!”

**Uh... wow == >**

“What a dog...” you say quietly.

“Th't m'ns yer a w'rewolf now.” Berwald tells Peter.

“Uh-huh!” Peter says. “I figured that out myself!”

“And you're not upset about it?” you ask. The kid shrugs.

“I know werewolves are mostly Wicked, but I don't feel very Wicked...” he says. “And I've heard that there are nice werewolves, too! So I'm gonna be a heroic werewolf and save people! I'm gonna practice turning into a wolf as soon as Hana lets me out of bed!”

The dog lies down on her master's lap, as if saying “you aren't going anywhere, kid.”

“Are you hungry?” you ask the kid.

“Starved!” he says.

As you and Lukas go to fetch some food, you can hear Berwald and Peter conversing.

“Is Tino your wife?” the younger blond asks, causing you to nearly drop the fork you're carrying.

“V'mpires d'n't m'rry humans.” Berwald says.

“He's a vampire? Cool!” Peter exclaims. “Now I can say I've met both a werewolf and a vampire and lived to tell the tale!”

“Little boys are indestructible.” Lukas mutters to you.

“Seriously.” you mutter back. “If I were him, I'd probably be in tears.”

“D' y' h've a family?” Berwald asks Peter.

“I have Hana...” Peter says. “And that's all I need!”

**Aww == >**

“We c'n b' yer family, if y' want.” Berwald says.

“R... really?” Peter asks in a hopeful tone which makes your heart swell.

“'f course.” Berwald says. “Yer tough 'nd opt'm'stic. I th'nk y' fit in perf'ctly.”

You're fairly certain that you've fallen in love with Berwald.

“Lukas doesn't seem very optimistic...” Peter remarks. You smirk at your friend.

“No, but he's m're th'n though enough t' make up fer that.” Berwald says.

“Hana can be part of the family too, right?” Peter asks.

“Definitely!” you say as you and Lukas reenter the room. “I can't imagine a Good family without a smart and loyal dog to protect it!”

Lukas hands the plate to Peter, and you give him the almost-dropped fork and a glass of water.

“Thanks!” he says, taking several gulps of the water before getting started on, pardon the pun, _wolfing_ down the bacon.

In fact, he seems quite... _over the moon._

His appetite would give anyone... _paws._

The food must have really been something to... _howl_ over.

**Fuck yeah == >**

Alright, those puns were terrible, but come on! These guys are giving me hardly anything to work with! Writing about werewolves and vampires totally... _bites._

Seriously, keeping them in character while still having them be blood drinkers absolutely... _sucks._

This is a story I really need to... _sink my teeth_ into.

Even so, it's _bloody_ fun to write.

I'm absolutely... _batty_ about this fanfic.

Alright, I'm done.


	9. You're Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tension and angry pianists  
> pianist is a funny word

**Be the bratty teenager == >**

You are now Jia-Long.

You and Emil have just gotten off the train, and are now beginning your search for the theater. And, might I add, you have fallen head-over-heels in love with the ghost.

Sheesh, everyone's falling in love in this story! There must be some kind of epidemic going around!

You constantly berate yourself for falling in love with someone so unattainable, but there's nothing you can do. If he was alive, then you'd be nothing but confidence and love, but fate works in cruel ways.

If you were any less of a human, you'd just prevent Emil from finding his brother so that you could have him forever, but that would be mean and terrible and you hate yourself for even imagining it.

Honestly. Teenagers and their angst.

Why don't we be Emil instead? At least _his_ angst will be for Good reason.

_Hey!_

**Be Emil == >**

You are now the sweetest ghost in the history of Ghostbusters.

Honestly, you can hardly believe that someone actually offered to help you find your brother! And it's the head vampire's secretary's younger brother, no less!

You're actually beginning to believe that you're gonna find Lukas!

Gosh, this kid is, like, _anti_ angst! Even though he's dead and kind of a depressing guy! Jia-Long, are you taking notes?

Anyway, the two of you are on a break from your mission because Jia-Long is hungry and looking for food. You're following him, keeping an eye out for anything edible. You don't exactly want your guide to starve, even though he is kind of a bitch.

_Hey, I like him._

Aww, Emil and Jia-Long, sitting in a tree!

_Finish that and you'll be deader than I am._

Geez, you're just as pissy as the Hong Konger. Forget what I said earlier; I hate you both.

**Cruelly ignore the smart and pretty narrator in an ungentlemanly manner == >**

Fuck you.

Jia-Long has found a can of beans and is eating with gusto. You almost chuckle at the sight. Almost.

“Mm, these aren't half bad...” he remarks.

“I wish I was still able to eat.” you sigh.

“Oh, sorry I mentioned it...” the brunet says.

“No, it's alright.” you reply. “I shouldn't be bugging you with my troubles.”

“Stop making me feel like a spoiled brat.” Jia-Long complains.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was always complaining about my life... and I do mean always.” Jia-Long says. “A lot. But it turns out that I'm pretty darn lucky. I'm alive and human and pretty high up on the food chain and my brother's practically _dating_ the head vampire and here you are, being a little trooper even though you're dead and hanging out with a spoiled brat.”

“Wait,” you say, “your brother's _dating_ the head vampire? But all I've ever heard growing up is that it's impossible for those higher on the hierarchy to feel romantic emotions.”

“I meant to say that my brother's desperately in love with the head vampire,” Jia-Long explains, “and that the boss likes having him around.”

“Ah.” you say.

A moment passes.

“I don't think you're very bad, for a spoiled brat.” you say.

“Thanks.” Jia-Long says, rolling his eyes.

“I'm trying to compliment you, you know.” you say exasperatedly. “Not many spoiled brats would go to such lengths to help a ghost find his brother.”

“I'm not exactly sure why I'm even doing this.” he admits. “I mean, it's the right thing to do, and you're pretty cool, but normally I don't really care much about ghosts... no offense... and I'm usually not _this_ reckless about breaking Yao's rules.”

“Maybe I'm special.” you say, raising a ghostly eyebrow.

**Maybe you're a little bitch in hooker boots == >**

“Maybe I've lost my mind.” Jia-Long says. “But if that's the case, then it's not half bad...”

“Aren't you the guy who advocates losing one's mind?” you ask. “You told me yourself that your crazy is a classy crazy.”

“And you're holding to it better than I am.” Jia-Long says. “I think I might have just said that so I could try to be unique like every other teen who wants to be unique and why on earth am I telling you all this I thought I was supposed to be cool and mysterious.”

“You're not cool and mysterious.” you whisper with a chuckle. “You're funny and kind and weird and much more fun than 'cool and mysterious'. Now stop beating yourself up; it's unbecoming.”

Jia-Long looks up at you.

“It seems that you're helping me more on this trip than I've been helping you.” he says.

“What did I say about beating yourself up?” you ask. “I think you're doing a fine job, so shut up before I change my mind.”

“You know what? Thanks. I really mean that.” Jia-Long says. “I didn't figure hanging out with ghosts could be so emotionally stabilizing. Well, let's get a move on. I'm sure you miss your brother.”

“Don't you miss yours?” you ask.

“Not particularly.” Jia-Long shrugs. “Sometimes, we can go months without seeing each other.”

**Feel pity for Jia-Long == >**

You fail to feel pity for him. Your situation is much more pitiable and, frankly, you're starting to get a bit annoyed with your friend.

“Come on, let's keep looking.” you sigh, floating ahead.

Jia-Long follows, and you glance back only once to notice a slightly concerned expression on his face.

If you've hurt his feelings, then you don't care. He was being a prick and he deserves it.

Since you've been dead, you haven't experienced fatigue or cold, so you kinda forget that those things exist.

Jia-Long, on the other hand...

“Look, it's getting cold and my legs are tired. I hate to complain, but I really can't match your ghostly energy. Can we stop for a while?”

“Alright.” you reply, though he has to strain to hear you.

The two of you find shelter in an unidentifiable building. It's basically one huge, spacious room, tiled and wallpapered in uniform white. In the center of the room sits a white grand piano.

“Cool.” Jia-Long says, immediately heading for the piano. You roll your eyes, knowing that this guy is probably gonna get himself killed someday.

“Be careful.” you hiss.

“Come on, no creature would _dare_ hurt me.” he says. “I'm too important. Besides, I've got you with me. What could go wrong?”

**Oh fuck == >**

That question. You hate that question with a burning passion. You decide not to answer him, as he totally deserves whatever happens to him next.

“Whatever.” you say, hanging back as he starts playing “Ode To Joy”.

You notice it before he does, but you don't have a chance to warn him, because suddenly there's a hand clamped over your mouth, which is surprising because hey, you're immaterial.

“Who dares enter my quarters?” a voice hisses in your ear. “You've got some nerve, little pale one. Did you not know that this room and piano are sacred?”

You can't really answer that, as a hand is clamped over your mouth.

Jia-Long looks up from the piano and jumps at the sight of whatever is holding you captive. You wish you could see it, but at the same time, you're glad you can't.

“Wh... who are you?” your traveling companion asks. “ _What_ are you?”

“My name is Roderich.” the entity says. “And you two... are trespassers.” he lets go of you, and you float-stumble-whatever forward and hurry over next to Jia-Long. Instinctively, he takes a step forward, even though he really doesn't have much of a chance protecting you. You look over at the entity.

In the center of a slowly swirling column of black smoke, there stands a man well-dressed in purple, with dark hair and rectangular glasses and piercing violet eyes. He looks majorly pissed off right now.

Honestly, he looks kind of... fruity.

He's still terrifying, though.

**Get the hell out of here == >**

You're not going anywhere, hon. He's blocking the only exit.

“Listen...” Jia-Long says coolly. “This is obviously a big misunderstanding. If you'll just step aside, Good sir, we'll get out of your hair and I'll put in a Good word for you with the head vampire...” he's trying to make a subtle threat.

“ _That_ pompous nitwad?” Roderich asks, nearly amused. “I could crush him like a cockroach.”

“Actually, cockroaches are rather hardy...” Jia-Long says.

“Enough.” says Roderich, and that actually manages to get Jia-Long to shut up. Must me magic...

“Please let us go.” you whisper, almost crying in fear. This man is a wraith, and wraiths can hurt ghosts quite easily.

Actually, this author knows next to nothing about wraiths, so she's gonna take a break from this plotline so she can contact her informant.

**To another plotline! == >**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it ended this way. I'm really unclear in the ways of wraiths and I had to get help from someone who kinda pisses me off now to work on the next piece of plot for these two.  
> Is it apparent that i don't write for Austria very often???


	10. Canadian Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interview with a Danish vampire

Suddenly, you are that guy... you know the one. The guy who's not a werewolf in this story... he's a vampire, this time... that guy...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUY'S NAME?

**To The Internet! == >**

Oh.

It's Matthew Williams.

Your name is Matthew Williams, and I totally knew that already.

_Suuure you did._

Shut up! It's been a long day, Marv!

_My name is-_

I said shut yer trap, or I'll have ye swab the deck.

_You're a pirate, now?_

Listen, I still have the opportunity to kill you or your future loved one off. Don't make me do that.

_Ugh, fine._

Good.

**AS I WAS SAYING == >**

Your name is MATTHEW WILLIAMS and you are in vampire HQ, also known as Chicago Overcoat. Hey, you didn't choose the name. The head vampire did.

You're the head vampire's best enemy's apprentice-type-thing.

And you also had the honor of being turned/your virginity being taken by the head vampire's best enemy.

Who is also your stepfather.

Yeah, your unlife is pretty damn screwy. And I mean screwy in _both_ senses of the word, if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.

Uh... never mind.

You are talking to a new recruit about stuff and junk like that.

“So... what was life like before you got turned?” you ask.

“Eh, I don't remember.” the new recruit says. “This is so much better, anyway!”

He's one of those vampires who becomes completely Wicked after being turned. You were a bit nuts at first, but then it turned out that people noticed you as a vampire so you've cooled down. This guy, however, seems completely deranged and doesn't remember his life at all.

“You really don't remember a thing?” you ask.

“There was this guy I didn't like...” he says. “And some guy who liked pasta... and this other guy... man, I wish I could drain him; I bet he's delicious...”

**Be seriously disturbed == >**

Nothing disturbs you anymore. You're jaded.

“Who?” you ask.

“Uh... I don't remember his name.” he says sheepishly. “I don't even remember his blood type... but if I ever see him again, I'll be sure to drain him completely!” he adds, baring his fangs.

“Are you trying to be silly, or do you actually think you're intimidating?” you ask.

“Ha! You're a funny one, Mattie!” he says.

“If you say so.” you sigh.

“So what's _your_ deal?” he asks.

You think back to your odd life of having Francis Bonnefoy for a stepfather. You remember being told that you have a brother, but you never knew him. You remember being turned and the... _other_ event that happened that same day. You remember meeting the head vampire and his secretary, and getting hired as a recruiter/jailer and keeper of the polar bear.

Yeah, you guys have a polar bear.

“Eh, my life wasn't very interesting.” you say dismissively. “I didn't even have any slightly-incestuous moments leading to where I am now. Definitely not any of those. Heavens, no.”

“Whatever you say.” the new recruit says with a shrug. “I got turned by some Russian girl. Totally showed her who's boss after I recovered from the shock of it.”

“Don't ever let the head vampire hear you say that.” you warn him. “He likes everyone to be civil and gentlemanly, even when he's biting their necks.”

“Sounds like a real bore...” he sighs.

“It's not so bad...” you say,

**Question further into this mysterious stranger's life == >**

“Are you sure you don't remember anything else?” you ask. “Favorite foods? Old pets? Love interests? Horrid teachers?”

“I think I liked Danishes...” he says thoughtfully, running a tongue across his fangs. “And I once had a golden retriever named Siv, but she was a stray... she didn't like the theater much... hey, I lived in an abandoned theater! Some stuff's comin' back to me!”

“Good! It's always nice to remember your life.” you say.

“Yeah, I guess.” he says nonchalantly. “One time, I brought home a kitten for Feli, the pasta-loving kid, but it died... we told him that it ran away, though. And as for horrid teachers, I never did go to school, but Berwald taught me some things... he always said I was hopeless, of course... and then I would punch him... and somebody would pull me away by the collar to keep me from getting hurt, but I don't remember who.

“And there was this other kid, Emil, who died, and that one guy was really sad for some reason... and one of my friends was this kid who ran off a while back... his name was Alfred.”

“Alfred?” you ask. “Alfred Jones?”

“Yeah.” he says. “Mean anything to ya?”

“I've been told that's the name of my half-brother... I never knew him.” you say.

“Huh.” the new recruit says. “He was pretty cool, I guess. Reminded me of me, but less amazing.”

If you're related to a guy who's anything like this guy, you're gonna kill yourself.

**Oh wait that won't work you're already dead ha ha ha == >**

_Go fuck yourself._

Language, Birdie~

_Is that your lazy attempt at foreshadowing?_

Oh, you want foreshadowing?

“You know what? I kinda miss Feli...” the new recruit says. “I always told him he'd be the one to turn this overtaking around... the one to kill the head vampire... as if I'd let him do that now! Ha! How would a wimp like him even begin to try to hurt the boss? With love? Pfft, I'd like to see him try!”

“You know what?” you reply. “I'll bet my unlife that he could do it and that he will do it and that you'll regret underestimating him.” then you remember that you're supposed to be on the side of the vampires, so you quickly force a laugh. “Just kidding!” you lie. “You're probably right. Love is weak and for fools and stuff.”

“You said it!” he says.

“Say, what was your name again?” you ask. You're really bad with names.

“Mathias Kohler.” he says.

*Shocked!*


	11. It's A Small World After All

**Back to our favorite moron ever == >**

“So what's _your_ story?” you ask, after having gone through every trivial detail of your life including your favorite and least favorite kinds of pasta.

“Me?” Feliks smirks. “I'm just a wannabe canary from an Apple in Michigan who was behind on the grind. I liked it all the way and I was trying to learn to play the gobble-pipe. I was known for a positively electric honey cooler and my aim with a Chicago typewriter. My best pally was a guy named Toris. He was a bit of a curve and a dead hoofer at times, but he was one fine pip and hard boiled, though it was sort of hard to tell.

“We were out and about on the streets none too far from this speakeasy, and this vampire chisler shows up, offerin' us protection from the brunos of the night. Toris was always a bit of a coward, and accepted after some bleedin'. I, however, was not so easy to persuade. That cat had the bulge on us, however, and I barely escaped with my life. Toris was not so fortunate.

“They got him, and he's working for them now, and it was a real brodie to just let him go with them. Good riddance, I say now! He was such a drag and a real wet blanket and a total abercrombie and he never appreciated what a fine moll he had in me and all I can say is he deserves to be a soulless creature of the night and- _oh god I miss him!_ ” Feliks exclaims, breaking down into tears.

**Be a Good source of comfort == >**

“Aw, I'm so sorry!” you say, patting his back. “Hey... the vampire's name wasn't Ivan, was it?” you ask. You remember those two talking about a Toris.

“As a matter of fact, it was.” Feliks says through his tears.

“That was the name of the vampire who attacked me!” you say. “Small world, hmm?”

Feliks keeps on crying.

“Come now, I'm sure we'll be able to get this mess sorted and reunite you with Toris!” you say. “I bet he isn't even Wicked! After all, that super nice vampire I was telling you about works as kind of a double-agent and he's really Goodhearted! I bet if you're instinctively Good or have excellent self-control, then you don't become Wicked as a vampire!”

“I ain't worried about that!” Feliks says. “I'm worried about what those no-Good crumbs are doing to him! Toris was always so sweet and such a doormat! And I never liked the way Ivan would look at him! Toris always protected me but I can't do the same for him! I love him, dammit! And I know he never felt the same, seeing how he would look at that Natalya broad like she was an angel on earth, but I still want to _do_ something for him!”

You give Feliks a hug.

“Don't worry. I'm gonna make sure everything works out in the end.” you say. “Tino wouldn't let anyone hurt another nice vampire, and I can give you directions on how to get to the area where I was living. Those vampires aren't too far from there, so you can go and rescue Toris.”

“Really?” Feliks hiccups. “That would be so swell of you!”

You spend the next half hour going over directions before you notice Antonio slipping up to the cafe.

**Follow that Spaniard! == >**

“Hey, think you've got it?” you ask the Pole. He nods. You get up and follow Antonio.

You find him and Lovi sitting across from each other, Antonio is talking at him and Lovino is just staring.

“And _that's_ why turtles are my favori- oh hi, Feli!” Antonio says to you, waving you over. You sit down, forming a kind of triangle with the three of you.

“Hi, Toni! Hi Lovi!” you say. Lovi does not respond. “I missed you...” you tell him. “A lot. No one could ever be an overly-protective-yet-cowardly-foul-mouthed older brother like you were.”

Lovi flips you off, which is more of a reaction than you've ever gotten from his zombie self.

“He just gave me the finger!” you exclaim. “He's starting to act like himself again!”

“Huh, really? He's quite a character...” Antonio remarks. Lovino glares at him.

“He's reacting really well!” you say. “Zombies don't usually take offense to things, you know!”

“I wonder why he isn't like the rest of them?” Antonio asks.

“Lovi was always very unique~” you say in a teasing tone. “He would yell at me a lot, and I think he picked up his bad habit of swearing from Mathias, and he really loved tomatoes... he remembered our Grandpa a lot better than I do, and would tell me stories about him!”

“Oh, how sweet!” Antonio says. “I hope we figure out a way around this zombie thing so I can get to know you properly, Lovi!”

And then two words falls out of your brother's dead mouth. You and Antonio both jump in shock, staring at Lovi like he just turned into a unicorn. Two sad, unpracticed words that might have one or a hundred meanings.

“Why me?”

**G-A-S-P == >**

And now... how about we be... uh, I dunno... I guess Jia-Long.

**Author's Note:**

> Props to those who recognize the song title of each chapter!


End file.
